Day 6 Create a Life Map

On this day of the 31 Day Reset Challenge my assignment was to create a life map. We were provided a workbook to guide us through the process.

I wrote about my specific vision for the following areas of my life:

Lifestyle

Work

Education

Finances

Health

Family

Relationships

This so far has been the most difficult assignment for me.  I have been making great progress with my self-confidence, positive attitude and roughly one week of the 31 Day Reset challenge. But the strides I have been making have left me facing the possibility of living my dream sooner rather than later.  Great, right?

Well my first reaction is fear of the unknown.  I*know* moving to New York primarily for my relationship and potential career connections is what I want.  But it doesn’t look like the terms I have set (i.e. having a job secured BEFORE I move) are going to be met.Do I throw caution to the wind and go without any  employment? Or should I continue to make the “safe” choice no matter what my life goals are

I have identified what it is I want so how can I  make any further excuses or stall? It’s time for action! Right?  Right…..

(I’ll scan an upload my actual life map tomorrow)

Day 4 Envision Your Values In Action

I’m behind. Way behind. This is what usually happens. I start doing something for me and life gets me off track. Who says the 31 Day Reset Challenge can’t take more than 31 days? Lol. For my own peace of mind, I am going to try to catch up this weekend.

Today’s task is to rate myself 1-10 on how I feel I am acting out that particular value in my life. Then I have to list out three actions I am currently taking or should should be taking in order to honor and fulfill that value in my life.
The key, as with any self assessment, is to be honest. For some people this means going easy on yourself. I am one of those people. Acknowledging the things I am doing right is harder than acknowledging what I am doing wrong.
(Bold=should be doing)

Creativity — 3
Read design blogs for inspiration
Saving for a DSLR
Learning to sew
Painting my dining room set

Advancement–6
Applying for jobs
Networking
Vision Board

Learning –7
Reading
Focused reading
German, photography, car repair, diy projects, and sewing

Money–7
Budgeting
Funding Emergency Fund
Couponing
Investing
Learn about and start purchasing dividend paying stocks
Make principal payments on student loans

Adventure–5
Trying new things
Visiting new places
Taking advantage of my surroundings

Traveling–9
Cincinnati, NYC 4x, Buffalo, Jamaica, Memphis and soon Portland
Budgeting money for upcoming trips
Plan more vacations

Service–6
Bar activities
Volunteer and other service group involvement

Peace of mind–7
Hypnosis
Prayer
Meditation

Personal Growth–7
Hypnosis
31 Day Reset
Getting out of my shell

Love of Self–7
Hypnosis- especially focusing on forgiving myself
31 Day Reset
Work on my outward image

31 Day Reset Day 3: Identify your VALUES

For this exercise I jotted down my values in no particular order.  Here’s  my list:

Love of Self and Others                                                                     Traveling

Money-financial security, charitable giving                            Learning

Adventure                                                                                              Creativity

Advancement                                                                                        Service

Civic and Community Involvement                                            Privacy

Peace of Mind                                                                                        Personal Growth

Family                                                                                                       Achievement

Being Supportive and Supported                                                  Leadership
Next, I had to narrow down the list to 10, my RESET 10.   Some of the things I listed overlap, but they are certainly all interconnected for me.  I had to ask myself what 10 things did I want to focus my energy on right now.  After reminding myself that I don’t have to conquer the world today, I settled on these 10:

Creativity:  acknowledging and fostering my creativity is something I have never really done.  As a child, my mother consistently sent me the message that I wasn’t creative like her and my middle brother.  I was just like my dad.  Analytical.  A linear thinker.  This was the lie I believed and likely a major part of the reason why I have always felt like my family really doesn’t know me.  Although I’m not going to rank the rest of them, this is probably the most important to me in the immediate.

Advancement: For about three years I have done little to advance myself professionally simply out of fear of failure, being inadequate and the unknown.

Learning

Money: I would like to have a healthy relationship with money.  Paying myself first is the goal.  This blog is to keep me accountable.

Adventure: Trying new things in new places.

Traveling: This kind of goes hand in hand with adventure, although not always.

Service

Peace of Mind

Personal Growth

Love of Self: I think this value is the most important for my life.  Once I make progress in this area, I believe the rest will fall in line.

This exercise required me to take a hard look at what is important to me as compared to where I’ve been spending my time .  <—-This is completely out of line.  Some of the things on the list are difficult for me to address because it brings up negative experiences, personal failures and my perceived inadequacies.  But I’ve given myself permission to really “do me”. It isn’t as selfish as it sounds.  A whole, healthy and better me is more beneficial to the world.  After all I deserve all the good things I desire.

Life Assessment

It looks like I receive the daily assignment around 10 pm, which is a bit too late for me. Each night I listen to a hypnosis cd for about 30 minutes prior to going to bed. Doing the 31 Day Reset assignment plus my hypnosis cd plus blogging plus….you get the idea. I’d much rather get to work early in the morning to do my assignment. That’s exactly what I did this morning.
Rosetta has great a great worksheet on which you can do your life assessment.

I printed two. Was ready to go….then my mind started wandering. Being honest about what I wasn’t happy about in my life seemed daunting. Usually I focus on something I am unhappy about in my life then start beating myself up about it. Why haven’t I addressed it yet? Why did I let it get so bad? So to avoid having these negative thoughts, I have been avoiding this type of self-reflection altogether. But I’ve been working on my positive attitude and self-confidence. Soon, I dove right in. about each aspect of my life I had to answer two questions. What do I love? What do I hate? This is my life assessment:

LIFESTYLE

• I love my apartment

• I hate that I haven’t consistently worked to decorate my space, I have no hobbies and I don’t hang out with my people.

WORK

• I love being helpful to others, interacting with other professionals and my co-workers.
• I hate not being challenged, being so behind-the-scenes and not seeing results.

EDUCATION

• I’m an attorney.  I did it!
• My lack of practical lawyering skills.

FINANCES

• I love having ZERO debt outside of my student loans.
• I haven’t stuck to a budget, I haven’t increased my income in almost 3 years and I’m not making snowball payments on my Citibank Student Loan.

HEALTH

• I love that I am taking stock of where I am and figuring out where I want to go.
• I hate that I don’t attend church regularly and I don’t work out regularly.

FAMILY

• We have FUN when we are together. Above all I know they accept me and have my back.
• I hate the lack of boundaries and my inability to maintain sufficient boundaries to protect myself.

RELATIONSHIPS

• Being loved, supported in every way and having fun doing everything and nothing.
• being too available.

31 Days To Reset Your Life Challenge

I stumbled upon a phenomenal blog entitled http://happyblackwoman.com some time ago.
(You don’t have to be happy, black or a woman to benefit from her coaching. Don’t let the title keep you away! I however, happen to be all three of those things on some days.) Today, after rediscovering it (smh, I need to subscribe and stop lurking), I read all about the 31 Days To Reset Your Life Challenge. God most certainly heard my prayers and led me back to this wonderful site.

In evaluating my plan to move to New York and my career, I have taken a hard look at my motivation for moving. Often I have to check myself for being too quick to do what other people want me to do without regard to my own needs and goals. Is this an attempt to get away from family relationships I have consistently found difficulty in managing? Am I trying to find validation and love from a man rather than developing my self-worth? Is this an easy way to disengage from taking my career to another level?

A few weeks ago, I ordered several hypnosis CDs to address some things I would like to change in my life. Namely, my negative, defeatist attitude about myself, my lack of motivation, my inability to get and remain organized and my inability to recall names and faces. My mother had success with smoking cessation by attending one of Dr. Kenneth Grossman’s sessions. After receiving an email indicating he was offering a 2 for 1 sale on cds, I decided to go ahead and order a few and give it a go. I ordered the following titles: Self-Confidence and Positive Attitude (2 discs), Neatness and Organization, Motivation and High Energy, and Remembering Names and Faces.

I was under the impression that I would listen to each cd once, see results and that would be it. (This was my mom’s experience with smoking cessation. Now it’s been about 25 years since her session, but at most it was two days or so I believe). After reading the literature, I realized I needed to commit to 21 to 30 days for each disc. Repetition produces change. I decided to start with Self-Confidence and Positive Attitude to assist in quieting my negative thoughts about myself and having a positive outlook. (I have also listened to the Motivation and High Energy disc once or twice before realizing I was just doing too much. Rome wasn’t built in a day.)

What does this all have to do with the challenge? The bottom line is, I am searching for the tools to find direction, purpose and fulfillment in my life. Hypnosis and the 31 Day Challenge are my new beginning.

Throughout this process, I am going to blog about my experiences. The 31 Day Challenge will provide me with daily assignments, some of which I will share entirely. Others may be redacted or I won’t share at all. I know for certain one of the more tangible results I am claiming is this blog. Working on it has been something I’ve talked about for over a year. The only thing that has stopped me from consistently pursuing this goal is ME. I have found a myriad of excuses to aid my inaction. Though they left me unsatisfied I kept going back for more. My pattern of negative thoughts and defeatist attitude made sure my well of excuses was never dry. I know that if I continue to put negative things in, I will never reach my potential.

I have only listened to the Self-Confidence and Positive Attitude cds about 5 or 6 times, but I have noticed a difference. That difference has brought me back to this place. My journey to change begins today. Won’t you join me?